Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
