I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
