My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
