I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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