He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
