only if we run a train.
done.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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