Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
