thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize