the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
