she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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