"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
