she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
