So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
