Betty ford says i'm here all night
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
