why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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