Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
