Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
