I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
smell my finger.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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