eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
