went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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