we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
