4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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