Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
