I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
