speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
