Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
