so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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