i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
