Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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