Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
