I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
