eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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