You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
