Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
FUCK WHALES
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize