hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize