Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Oh god it's open bar.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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