there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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