I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
