talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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