You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
