everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
