she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Houston, we have a blender
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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