maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
