I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
