She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm sobbing to NWA
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
