Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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