he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
