Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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