Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
