I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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