dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
