Define "chronic" masturbator.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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