If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize