your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You pole danced in your parka.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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