I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
