Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Your cock deserves a montage
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize