She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
