Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
