That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
