There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
