wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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