so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize