this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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