Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
