Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
