He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
