walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
