I accidentally had phone sex last night
I CAN MOONWALK!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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