Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
