Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
