DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
