went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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