i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
